Eowyn of Rohan's Diary
by stensen
Summary: Eowyn takes a cue from Bridget Jones and starts a diary, becoming middle earths favorite Singleton
1. Default Chapter

I own neither Bridget Jones nor lotr. Written out of boredom after watching 'Bridget Jones Diary' I don't think I've seen any one else do this yet. who knows might be amusing  
  
___________________________  
  
Eowyn's diary  
  
29 February  
  
131lbs (v.b stress of late has caused mass amounts of food to be consumed. Oh will these dark days never end??) Sensible boyfriends 0 (poor), scary pale men corrupting uncle 1 (v.v.b must take care of)  
  
Noon. Meduseld. Ugh. Cannot take this anymore, since war has started things have been terribly boring. Have decided to start a diary to vent frustration. In fact have decided to start whole new life one where I am confident alluring and fantastically thin. In spirit of new start in life I've thought of a few resolutions to get things off on the right foot  
  
Will obviously loose 20lbs Will find nice sensible boyfriend (hopefully one with nice job perhaps heir to something) Will convince self that I can do better then Grima Wormtounge and not lower my standards Develop inner poise Help defend rohan since crabby ol'uncle is in no position to do so.  
  
Hmm. not much going on around the hall. Shall go and see if Eomer has returned from big orc hunt.  
  
7:00 P.M oh dear very very bad start to new life. Had just walked into the great hall when I saw eomer and grima going at it again. Honestly men, can never have a civil conversation. It was all about grima's influence on my uncle with eomer calling grima out on a lot of good points. I really love eomer some times; even though he is big barbarian of a brother. he is a big loveable barbarian of a brother. Unfortunaly uncle Theoden doesn't seem to think so and has let grima convince him that eomer should be locked in the dungeon. I was so distraught at having to spend the rest of the day alone (and obviously Eomer's unjust imprisonment) that I did not notice pervy grima slinking up behind me. He tried to proposition me for a date saying "c'mon just one date! It's not like you have any other offers!" did not want to admit he was write and said that Elfhelm had asked me for a date just the other day. He accused me of lying pointing out that Elfhelm has been seeing the same girl for quite some time now. Stupid bloody wormtounge. It took all my inner poise to walk away in a dignified manner and pretend that he did not get to me. I am Eowyn daughter of Eomund the whit lady of rohan! Tough and strong a symbol to my people. of strength! Oh bloody hell; feel like curling up in a big ball with a bottle of whine and eating chocolates. hmm not a bad idea.  
  
3:00 A.M Stupid Grima STupid pale ugly skinny man. mmmmmm whine is blurrryyy good. Wish Eomer was here is fun with drinks and yellow fuzzy and nice. Nice whine like whine. whoops fell off bed..  
  
30 February  
  
133lbs (why???? Why???) Boyfriends 0, potential boyfriends 1 (hurrah!) scary pale men corrupting uncle 0 (v. v. good!)  
  
8:00 A.M  
  
ugghhh, massive hangover from last night's whine and chocolate binge. Why must the sun be so bright?? Think I shall stay in a bed a little while longer, at least until throbbing in head stops.  
  
8:32 A.M  
  
Should get up now. will defiantly get up in a minute.  
  
8:35 A.M  
  
hmm, wonder what dress I should wear today  
  
8:56 A.M  
  
Have decided to wear favorite white dress. I must commend myself on being so decisive and not putting off important matters. This is an excellent start to new life.  
  
9:15 A.M  
  
Guess I shall get out of bed now seems to be big commotion going on in the main hall. Maybe we have visitors??  
  
11:00 P.M  
  
Hurrah for visitors!! Rushed out into the hall to see what all the commotion was about and came in just in time to see Gandalf (big wizard long time friend of uncle theoden) telling off grima once and for all. He has kicked him out of rohan for good and has knocked uncle Theoden out of his funk. Was good to see Gandalf again even though he insists on making me call him Uncle Gandalf and continually asks me about my love life. arggg. Why must people do this?? Just because I am a young capable SINGLE woman doesn't mean I like to be reminded of it! And besides, I don't think Gandalfs had a girl friend for over a hundred years. Who is he to talk? Must say one thing for gandalf, he did bring group of lovely friends along. and a dwarf. One is legolas, an elf from mirkwood. I've never met an elf before, v. v. pretty people. He is quite good looking; to bad he is a total puff. It is nice having him around though, we had a long conversation today about men and how it was ok that I hadn't found the right one yet as I was a princess and needed to be very careful to find some one who would treat me that way. And that I was very beautiful and incredibly thin. Suspect he just threw that last part in to make me feel better (it worked) and if were straight he would take me away back to mirkwood in a minute. Its very nice talking to legolas, almost like having a sister. Except with penis.  
  
Gandalf also brought along v. v. handsome ranger named Aragorn. Will not develop childish crush, will not! Rather.. Will admire him for his bravery and valiant demeanor and ruggedly handsome face. Sigh, spent the whole night having fantasies of us together, many which involved me in a wedding dress. But do to unfortunate events at dinner; I suspect he does not fantasize about me.  
  
I was so excited about having actual people to entertain that I decided to throw a small dinner party in celebration with myself doing all the cooking. Ugh. Bad idea. Did not realize how hard cooking for so many people was. Thought it would be like a natural instinct of women to be able to cook well. Like having children, although I suspect that having children might be a little harder as cooking does not involve shooting food out from your womb.  
  
The menu was to be as follows  
  
Venison stew  
Roast ham  
Roasted garlic potatoes  
Mashed turnips  
Honey glazed carrots  
Chilled lamb with mint sauce  
  
It all went horribly wrong. We didn't have lamb, I don't know how to glaze things and I burnt the roast. I ended up just throwing everything in the stew and served everyone charred ham and brown stew like mess. Was so embarrassed by dinner fiasco, Aragorn said it was the best meal he had had in days. Even though he's been living in the woods for the last few months I think he only said that to be nice. He is really nice though, nice and kind.. And handsome and tall, ack! Must stand tall; keep repeating what legolas told me "aloof unavailable ice queen" that's right. aloof unavailable ice queen. aloof. aw hell I want him.  
  
Oh yes, gandalf has also gotten eomer out of the dungeons Hurrah! 


	2. chapter 2

I forgot to mention this will be a book-based fic, i.e. no carting off everyone to helms deep. Also I'm aware that February only has 28 days but according to Tolkien and the dates of all the events and such. February has 30 days, so I'm just using his way. But either way I've screwed up the dates so whatever!  
  
__________________  
  
2 March  
  
130lbs., countries to run 1 (oh dear)  
  
9:00 PM Oh dear, oh bugger, oh bloody bloody hell! Woke up this morning in state of euphoria at the thought of spending another day around sexy Aragorn. But instead have ended up alone with whole country to run while the men have gone off to fight. Why was I not asked to go fight??? Why didn't aragorn insist I come along?? Why does he not want me?? Oh no, it must have been at the big good-bye whine ceremony thing. Hate tradition, stupid old-fashioned stuffy tradition. Why did I think presenting the whine cup would be a good idea?? Of course I did all right with my uncle, really good actually was all serious and royal like. Unfortunately was feeling so confident that I decided to go to aragorn next with whine cup and give him a "sexy look" as I'm quite sure we've been flirting for the past two days. Summed up all my inner poise and went over to him and said "Hail Aragorn Son of Arathorn!" and shot him my sexy look. I think he said something but I was to busy looking sexy to notice. Then he just starred at me. for like 5 minutes! And then it was awkward and he just walked away. Why must I be repulsive to all men????  
  
And then as if it could get any worse, I've been left in charge of rohan! I can't run a country. I can't even keep my shoes organized! And now am expected to organize the people and lead them to some camp. Can't feel all bad about it though, the people were really touching. Just as they were about to set out uncle Theoden came out asking for some one to stay behind. In manner of small children in grade school no one raised their hands. Was expecting uncle theoden to call out "If no one volunteers I'll just pick some one!" but instead he just said, "Is there none whom you would name? In whom do my people trust?" To which the lovely Hama replied  
"In the house of eorl!" And he was talking about me!! Really do love Hama, perhaps shall send him a card as a token of gratitude. And maybe some chocolates as well. It was all very sweet what he said about me,  
"I said not Eomer, and he is not the last. There is Eowyn daughter of Eomund, his sister. She is fearless and high-hearted. All love her."  
  
I stopped listening after that, was to busy whipping tears away from my face. Slight embarrassment over crying in front of aragorn totally eclipsed by overwhelming love of my people. Maybe I really am special. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with me at all. Maybe in fact I am person to look up to and admire! Of course I am! Why else would they pick me as their leader? Because I am strong, confidant, woman. Really was very silly of me to obsess about aragorn so much. From now on I shall think only of my people, who have so graciously elected me their leader in these grave times of distress. I shall not think about sexy rangers to preoccupied with war to even notice me. No longer will I be reduced to sniveling schoolgirl. This is excellent progress in new life.  
  
10:45 PM  
  
I wonder what Aragorn's doing now. 


End file.
